Parasite/Host

We've all encountered opportunists. We all have people in our lives who ignore us 364 days a year, yet still have the audacity to contact us when they need help with something. You either learn to quickly say,"NO!" or you're continuously used as a welcome mat. I operated in similar fashion when I was younger. It's nothing I'm proud of, but I outgrew it. I've learned to treat people with a little more respect over the years. Affairs of the heart can often be executed in similar fashion. Learning to say,"NO!" is nowhere near as easy in these scenarios when there's something in it for you.

I've had 2 relationships since I quit drinking. Both girls were very similar. Both relationships started with large red flags in front of both houses. You always want to give people the benefit of the doubt, yet 100% of the time you can bank on the same results happening. Clinically speaking, taking one year off after your relationship ends is what's ideal. Do you think that's a question asked on dating sites? Do you think that's ever rationally discussed on first dates? Wounds are visibly seeping, yet we proceed with reckless abandon. You lose yourself in these moments. You're swept away by the things about the person that appeal to you. Those red flags are impossible to ignore, yet you find a way of tricking yourself into thinking "this time will be different". Sure it will, pal...sure it will.

While it might seem cliche, the saying "One must learn to love oneself before one can learn to love others" holds so much truth. You can spend your entire life bouncing from person to person and the results will always be the same. It would be so easy for me to jump into the fray and get lost in a sea of lust again. So easy. Those who take the time to nurse the wounds mentioned above have hopes life will be different at some point though. It's not about numbing the pain and finding an emotional fix to us. It's about substance. It's about being completely comfortable with who you are and the decisions you make. Being completely comfortable and trusting the people you're surrounded by. The ability of choosing to not sleep on a bed of lies.

Looking in the mirror can be uncomfortable at times. Those who do can make the changes that are needed to remove themselves from the vicious circle of parasite/host/repeat. While it might not be nearly as much fun, I take pride in not adding to the masses of walking wounded in our society.

Clique. Clique.

It's been a while. The actions of one individual made something I thoroughly enjoy not so enjoyable. It's been well over a year since I've felt comfortable blogging as a result. I've always written from experience. I don't share said experiences with intentions of hurting people. Believe this.

I enter every new environment with hopes of avoiding the pitfalls of the last. If you don't learn from previous events and grow, what's the point of having them? I moved down to Austin with hopes of being more social than I had in previous places. My first two months here was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I fell head over heels in love with this city. People are friendlier here. They're significantly more interesting. Conversation has a tendency of flowing everywhere you go. I think you get the picture.

Socializing in the workplace is an entirely different creature. The people I described above are not necessarily going to be the ones you'll end up working with. I never assume my thoughts are correct. I pay close attention to the interactions of others and comments made to confirm what I'm seeing and/or feeling is accurate. This week opened my eyes a little further to behaviors I've experienced in one fashion or another since elementary school...the clique.

There should come a point in time where each of us becomes a little wiser about doing things that could leave others feeling left out. For me, that light went on 20 years ago when my phone slowly stopped ringing after I quit drinking. I remember how the realization of learning the difference between friends and acquaintances the hard way left me feeling. I swore I'd never make anyone feel that way. That being said, I found myself slowly separating from the office clique I saw forming around me this week. I resorted back to being standoffish and not engaging in conversations with those individuals. I reconstructed a wall I left in the Midwest.

To be continued...

8 Things You Must Give Up to Find Peace

It's been quite some time since I felt comfortable sharing anything in this journal. A friend shared the following, which lead to the deconstruction of my old blog and the reconstruction of a new one. I decided to share the inspiration:

1. Old regrets and excuses.

You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you feel about it and what you do about it. You don’t have to be defined by the things you did or didn’t do in the past. Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret. Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not. Either way, it’s merely something that has already happened.

Be done with these old regrets; they’re just an excuse for people who have failed, and failing only happens if you learn nothing and give up. Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making these empty excuses.

Think about it, you rarely fail for the things you do. You fail for the things you don’t do, the business you leave unfinished, the things you make excuses about for the rest of your life. Read: Awaken the Giant Within.

2. The burning desire to have all the answers.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom. Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly. And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to. But that’s not what’s important.

What’s important is the opening of your wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.

3. The false hope of a pain-free life.

Pain is a part of life, and life’s pains have many shapes and sizes.

There’s the cold feet pain of moving on ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking away from the familiar and into the unknown. There’s the sharp growing pains of trial and error, of failing as you learn the best way forward. There’s the immense, dizzying pain of life slapping you in the face when everything you thought you knew wasn’t true, or everything you had planned for falls through.

There are the more ambiguous aches and pains of successes, when you actually get what you had hoped for, but then realize that it’s not quite what you had envisioned. And then, from time to time, there are the warm, tingling pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of sweet perfection, a priceless instant of achievement or happiness which you know cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you forever.

Even though so many folks forget, pain is actually a good thing. It means you’re breathing, and trying, and interacting with the endless possibilities in this world. Pain is for the living only; it’s worth fully accepting and dealing with while you still have a chance. Read: Radical Acceptance.

4. Ties to insensitive people.

People are extremely difficult to change.

Throughout your lifetime people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. And don’t make any space in your heart to hate them. Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they do, because any bit of time you spend on them will be wasted, and any bit of hate in your heart will only hurt you.

5. Obsessing yourself with negative news.

For every prominent newscaster who howls about how bleak and unjust life is, there are thousands of other people behind the scenes working tirelessly to make a positive difference in the world. For every disheartening crisis that is breathlessly reported, there are thousands of real, meaningful success stories that don’t get the attention they deserve, but that have an enormous positive ripple effect on humanity.

Try not to obsess over the negative news; learn from it and use your knowledge to work your way eagerly toward a brighter tomorrow. Life does get better and better when you choose to make it so.

6. The belief that fulfillment resides in the end result.

Fulfillment is not a matter of achieving a specific goal. It is a matter of mindfully enjoying the process required to achieve that goal. Fulfillment flows from focusing your life around specific and authentically held intentions – ideas and activities that genuinely speak to your purpose. When these intentions are clear, consistent and meaningful, you have sufficient means to bring fulfillment and joy to your life, whether you ever fully achieve your intended goal or not.

In other words, the right journey is the destination.

7. Measuring your success by material wealth.

We’re bombarded with images of stuff, with the implication that this stuff somehow elevates personal value and success.

So I encourage you to think about how much of your self-worth is connected to owning, giving, and getting STUFF. Because truthfully, success, happiness, and peace of mind have little to do with STUFF.

So what does help create these things?

To laugh often and love genuinely. To respect others and judge less. To win the affection and sincere smiles of children. To earn the regard of honest peers and endure the betrayal of fake friends.

To appreciate the beauty surrounding you wherever, whenever you are. To find the good in people and situations. To give what you can and leave the world a little better than you found it. To have explored ideas and passions and sung at the top of your lungs with jubilation. To know that at least one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is what makes a life successful. This is how happiness and peace of mind are attained. Read: The Untethered Soul.

8. The need to keep everything the same.

Things change. People and circumstances come and go. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.

Life moves very fast. It rushes from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds. It happens like this to people every day. It’s happening to someone right now.

Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives; a seemingly innocuous decision rattles our whole world like a meteorite striking Earth. Entire lives have been swiveled and flipped upside down, for better or worse, on the strength of an unpredictable event.

Most of the time these changes come when you’re not asking for them and not expecting them, but they happen. So are we helpless? Are we puppets? No. These changes are going to come; you can’t help that. But it’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you grow; that’s when you find out who you truly are.

So when you find yourself standing on a threshold, the crossing of which will seemingly change everything, don’t fight it. Begin the next chapter in your life.